Chapter 31
Thera Sudinna's Remorse
At that time a fit of remorse occurred to Venerable Sudinna: ‚I have failed to make
achievements such as
jhÈnas
, etc. My gain of monkhood has been worthless! I have ill-
gotten the Teaching! The Buddha's dispensation has come to me not in a good manner!
(Because) I have thus been incapable of practising in perfection, in purity for life, the noble
practice of the threefold training after receiving ordination in the dispensation of the
Dhamma and Vinaya taught so well!‛ So great was his remorse that he became emaciated
day by day, and with poor and dry skin, his good appearance deteriorated and his
complexion became pale like a withered leaf. His body had sinews that were like a cast net;
his distress was hidden in him and his introverted thoughts developed gradually; tormented
by his physical and mental unhappiness, he remained in pensive mood.
Then Sudinna's friends said to him: ‚Though formerly you were handsome, your sense-
faculties were alert, your facial colour was clear, and your complexion was especially
clean, now you are emaciated day by day, and with poor and dry skin, your good
appearance deteriorates and your complexion becomes pale like a withered leaf. Your body
had sinews that are like a cast net; your distress is hidden in you and your introverted
thoughts developed gradually: tormented by your physical and mental unhappiness, you
remain in pensive mood. Why, friend Sudinna? Are you practising the noble practice of the
threefold training with unhappiness in the Buddha's dispensation?‛
Venerable Sudinna replied s follows:
‚Friends, I am practising the noble practice of the threefold training in the
Buddha's dispensation not with unhappiness. There is one evil deed done by me
though. I have committed sexual conduct with my ex-wife, for which I feel
remorseful, thinking: ‘I have failed to make achievements such as
jhÈnas
, etc.! My
gain of monkhood has been worthless! I have ill-gotten the Teaching! The
Buddha's dispensation has come to me not in a good manner!’ (Because) I have
thus been incapable of practising in perfection, in purity for life, the noble practice
of the threefold training after receiving ordination in the dispensation of the
Dhamma and the Vinaya taught so well!‛
Then his friends blamed him by citing a large number of instances:
‚Friend Sudinna, since you are thus incapable of practising in perfection and purity
for life the noble practice of the threefold training after receiving ordination in the
dispensation of the Dhamma and the Vinaya taught so well, you should be
remorseful.
‚Friend Sudinna, did not the Master teach us, in various ways, to separate from lust
but not to combine with lust? Did not He teach us to dissociate from sensuality but
not to associate with sensuality? Did not He teach us to be detached through
craving and wrong view but not to be attached through craving and wrong view?
Friend Sudinna, despite the Master's teaching to separate from lust, you have
striven to combine with lust. Despite the Master's teaching to dissociate from
sensuality, you have striven to associate with sensuality. Despite the Master's
teaching to be detached through craving and wrong view, you have striven to be
attached through craving and wrong view.
‚Friend, did not the Master teach us, in various ways, to separate from lust, to give
up conceit, to remove hunger or thirst that is moral defilement, to eliminate
attachment that is lingering of craving, to cut the source of suffering, to cease
craving, to have no passionate desires, to stop craving and to extinguish moral
defilements?
‚Friend, did not the Master teach us, in various ways, the removal of sensuality?
Did not He teach us the analytical knowledge of perception concerning sensuality?
Did not He teach us the elimination of craving that is hunger or thirst for
sensuality? Did not He teach us the cutting off of thoughts connected with
sensuality? Did not He teach us the cooling of the heat that is sensuality?